your favorite punching bag

2023-01-13 21:10:57 good lord grief is in my house again and she’s dancing on the tables, breaking the vases i spent so long putting back together when she told me she was leaving. now i know that she’ll never truly leave so it’s best that i leave the vases broken and the door open and learn to live with her omnipresence because she will be there — everywhere i go. ክፈት / አስተያየት ይስጡ

2023-01-06 09:44:02 'if i could do girlhood again, I'd ask to be scarier. less whimpering, more pyromaniac urges, more flirting with kerosene.' ክፈት / አስተያየት ይስጡ

2023-01-05 20:50:30 'i was written by a man'. 'i was written by a woman.' that's cute. I was written by kafka. my life is a horrific labyrinth of confusion, misfortune, existential dread, and chronic self-loathing. ክፈት / አስተያየት ይስጡ

2023-01-05 20:36:15 and i have to carry it around. i have to take care of it. i have to step around all the broken glass of it. sometimes i think i have finally outrun it; only to find it dripping from my sink. panic attacks in bathrooms - the acrid taste of you suddenly overwhelming. i cannot touch with clean hands; i'm too covered in this silken slime you left on me. ክፈት / አስተያየት ይስጡ

2023-01-05 20:35:35 sometimes i think that the worst part might be that what you did permanently changed me. the rest of my life is shaped by what you did to me. there is an after you, bleak and bleeding. ክፈት / አስተያየት ይስጡ

2022-12-31 13:30:20 little by little i will save my life and the rot in my stomach will swell into something sweet and it’ll sit on my tongue and i will think to myself how silly it is to wallow when there is a sun that shines and hands that reach for other hands. little by little i will remember every vessel in me bears the promise that most sweet things shall stay alive for as long as i live alongside them. little by little i will leave my head for the real world and i will fearlessly dangle my feet on tall grass and without hesitance reach for a star knowing with absolute certainty that i can never hold it close or call it mine and that it’ll never love me back or yearn for me half as much. so here we are, me and my hope, and our only means of staying tethered together which is through the little by the little. little by little i will save my life not as some monumental course-altering endeavour of bigness and bravery and prettyness like in the poems, but by simply putting my life in warm clothes and warm people. ክፈት / አስተያየት ይስጡ

2022-12-31 12:47:09 my mouth hasn't shut up about you since you kissed it. the idea that you may kiss it again is stuck in my brain, which hasn't stopped thinking about you since ክፈት / አስተያየት ይስጡ

2022-12-31 12:43:08 i thought i knew hunger before this, i found that kind of touch unbearable. to witness. to want. desire is ugly. incessant. shaped like two hands wrapped around a throat. ክፈት / አስተያየት ይስጡ

2022-12-31 12:34:32 can i go where you go? can you always be this close? ክፈት / አስተያየት ይስጡ

2022-12-17 18:37:43 being a younger sibling of a much older sibling is like. i've never known a life without you. mom yells at me because she hasn't realized its just as bad as hitting, yet. your opinions would become my opinions as soon as you said them. i ask you your favorite color every other day because i forget and you find it funny, and i like it when you laugh. you know when im not okay even when i dont. you tell me stories im part of i dont remember. i love when we talk shit about our dad. mom makes mistakes with me sometimes but you're always there for me. when i ask for advise you always have a good answer. you dont know my social circle at all, but all your friends know me, even when i dont know all of them. i dont want to burden you. i like to tease you. you're a jerk. you're kind. i went to your graduation and everything changed since. you told me you liked jaguars and i watched 3 documentaries about them to talk about them with you. we never did. i want to be just like you. i love you. i drew a dick on your arm with a pen. ክፈት / አስተያየት ይስጡ